Edwards Version of New Moon
by vampireloveaffair17
Summary: Basically the title says it all. Edwards POV B/E normal couples.
1. Chapter 1

T his was my favorite time of the day. Night-or at least the time when Bella was curled up against me, her hair sprawled out in curls looking like silk, inviting and tempting me to run my fingers through, against her pillow. Her warm soft lips parted slightly murmuring words into the silence.

This was my only chance to see a slight glimpse into the wonders of her mind. Her mind was utterly silent, to me at least. The only mind in the world I can't read. And while this infuriated and annoyed me to the brink of insanity it pleased her.

If I could, I'd give her the world. But the one thing I refuse to give her, the _one_exception to that rule, is the thing she wants most. _Immortality_ or a better definition of that might be _to become a vampire_. Long ago I used to think it was the only thing she wanted, even more then me. But soon I learned to my enjoyment she wanted me more then immorality itself. I pondered that idea when last nights conversation rang through my head.

_Alice__had been sitting around the TV with the rest of us not really paying any attention to the horrible acting the actors were portraying, just thinking._

_That's when the vision hit. The images were blurry as if they still hadn't been yet decided._

_I froze._

_"Edward!" Alice's mental voice protested._

_I had seen it to._

_Bella was lying on the ground tears streaming down her soft cheeks. Curled up, hurt, and crying._

_My instant reaction was to comfort her to somehow erase the pain. But what was strange was Alice had seen the vision through_my_point of view. _

_I frowned. That could never come true, I loved Bella._

_"Edward," Carlisle demanded, "What did Alice see?"_

_I shook my head trying to find my voice._

_"Bella," I manage to say, "She was hurt. Again, but this time I was there hurting her."_

It wasn't right. For me to stay here, to keep risking her life- every second, every hour, I'm with her. I shook my head. It wasn't right.

And even though I'd gone over the conversation in my head again and again trying to convince myself she was better off if I had left. I couldn't make myself. I couldn't fathom enough strength to even imagine leaving her.

"Edward," Bella mumbled, frowning.

I smoothed her hair trying to comfort her.

She sighed moving closer to me, her head pressed up against my chest making my breath speed and that strange hunger reappear. She smiled and cooed, "I love you."

I almost though she was awake before she sighed and mummer on something about her grandmother.

My heart, if I would have had one, swelled. Kissing her forehead I decided it was time for me to go get ready. Today was a big day-Bella's birthday.

Sighing I shook my head. She hated today. Not only because today was the day that separated our age by _one measly year,_ but Bella hated people paying attention to her - With the expectation of me, of course. I smiled. Most people would enjoy being given presents and having a day dedicated all to them. Then again, _most_ people were smart enough to stay away from us.

Leaning down closer I whispered into her ear, not willing myself to breathe, "Happy Birthday." Before I threw myself out of her window and ran off into the trees.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Hey guys for now I skipped over all that time between the birthday party and other stuff. If you want me to go back just tell me so (;

I stood outside Bella's house. This was it. This was goodbye. No. I couldn't let myself think that way or else I'll never do this. I clenched my jaw to hide the pain before I released it.

"Come for a walk with me," I offered in a monotone voice.

I didn't let us get far from the house before I stopped us.

"Okay," she said slowly, "Let's talk."

I took a deep breath to steady myself.

What I was about to do I had thought about a million times. I had it dead set in my mind that never would I let Bella's life be jeopardized by my actions. I couldn't let that happen. I loved her so much; I had to let her go. There was no other way. Letting myself believe that would get me through this.

"Bella," I began. _No other way._

"We're leaving."

She paused for a moment and then her heart sped a little, "Why now? Another year—"

"Bella," I cut her off, "It's time. How much longer can we stay in Forks, after all?"

To prove my point I added, "Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I stared at her like I hated her. In reality it was I, I hated. I channeled that hatred towards her using all my strength to hide the undying love that was burning beneath.

Finally she realized my point, "When you say _we_—"she whispered in a small delicate voice.

"I meant my family and myself." I stated coldly.

She shook her at whatever she was thinking, which knowing Bella was probably the truth of the reason I was doing this. Part of me feared she'd see through me at any minuet and realize the love in my eyes. So far she hadn't.

"Okay," she said, "I'll come with you."

I countered that with, "You can't, Bella." I shook my head at her, "Where we're going…" Think of a lie. Don't falter. Hurry or she'll see through you. "It's not the right place for you." Good that should work.

"Where you are is the right place for me."

Crap.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." Not exactly a lie. I wasn't good for her.

"Don't be ridiculous," she squeaked, "You're the very best part of my life."

Shit that hurt. It felt like my un-dead heart was tearing. I couldn't do this… No you have too.

"My world is not for you." I snapped.

Lies, lies, lies. My world was all about her—every minuet of every day.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" She yelled hysteric.

"You're right," I agreed, "It was exactly what was to be expected." Not a lie and that made it hurt a little less.

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay"—

My heart would have just torn in two if it could. I was hurting her. But I did that daily. I risked her life like some addicted gambler.

"As long as that was best for you," I interrupted her.

"NO!" she screamed. "This is about my soul isn't it?"

"Carlisle told me about that," she ranted; fumed, "And I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

I looked at the ground. She was offering me everything I ever wanted. She was everything I ever wanted. In order to save her I needed to go away—away where I couldn't hurt her. _Jasper_. I shouted at myself. Remember that? It will only get worse with you here! You're not good for her! Not the other way around! LEAVE!

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke slowly, letting her take in the meaning.

"You…don't…want me?" Bella squeaked in a small voice.

"No." I lied.

She looked me in the eyes and I stared at her like the monster I was; unforgiving and unremorseful.

"Well," she said after a long pause, "That changes things."

I looked away into the trees so she couldn't see the pain in my eyes. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize it's time for a change. Because I'm…" madly desperately and uncontrollably in love with you and its killing me to leave, "_tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." I am a monster of the very worst kind even for doing this. "I've let this go on too long, and I'm sorry for that."

Lies, lies, and more lies. I would never be sorry for loving Bella. I would always treasure the moment's I would remember with Bella in my life. She was everything to me and _soo _much more. But I did need to end this. She would die and I wouldn't and couldn't be able to save her.

"Don't." her voice whispered full of pain, "Don't do this."

I already did.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I said repeating the words said earlier.

She opened her mouth as if to say something then shut it.

"If…that's what you want."

No. I nodded once.

Suddenly I remembered something I had promised myself to ask her before I left.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," it was already too much to ask.

I could see her eyes were watering threatening to over fill with moisture and I could see the pain not hidden or masked in her eyes. In that moment I saw every promise. Every whisper of "I love you"'s and "forever" flash back in my mind and my mask evaporated. NO! I harden my mask back into place before she could see anything.

"Anything," she vowed.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I begged. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded like a wooden puppet.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course," _lies_, "He need's you. Take care of yourself—for him." _For me too_ I added mentally.

She nodded again, "I will," she whispered.

I relaxed a little. And then I remembered my side of the bargain.

"And I will make you a promise in return," I vowed, "I promise that this will be the last time you see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be like I never existed."

Her knees started to wobble a little and, scared, I added a gentle smile, "Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more then a sieve. Time heals all wounds for _your _kind."

"And your memories?" she retorted.

"Well," I paused slightly, "I won't forget." Ever. "But _my_ kind…we're easily distracted." I smiled as if to prove my point. It was a smile like a signature on a death sentence.

I took a step away from her. Hating the movement.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

"Alice isn't coming back?" she squeaked.

I shook my head slowly. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she said shocked.

"She wanted to say goodbye," that was not a lie. Alice nearly bit my head off when I told her no.

"But I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

Her eyes glazed over for a moment and I was afraid she was having a seizure or something but after a second they returned back to normal.

"Goodbye, Bella." I said in a small voice and turned to leave.

"Wait!" She cried stepping forward her hand reaching for me.

I'll never understand why that moment hurt so much worse then saying goodbye. It felt like Bella was slipping away from me and I gripped her wrists and pinned them to her sides. Before I could remember the warmth of her against me I bent down and kissed her forehead afraid that if I kissed her lips I wouldn't ever be able to leave.

Her eyes fluttered shut like usual and I sighed, "Take care of yourself," I breathed.

I let go of her all at once and turned. Before I could let myself turn around I ran, my legs pumping hard farther away from Bella.


End file.
